Random Quotes I Heard Somewhere [04.20.15]

April 20, 2015
  • “Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.” – Sam who-the-hell-is Brown
  • “You don’t find the donkey show. The donkey show finds you.”  – Anonymous, and rightly so
  • “Sometimes you’re a goose. Sometimes you’re a chicken.” – A former leader of mine
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A doctor, a lawyer and a priest… [03.23.15]

March 23, 2015

A doctor, a lawyer and a priest are on a sinking ship.

doctor

The doctor says, “Save the women and children!”

lawyer

The lawyer says, “Screw the women and children.”

priest

The priest says, “Think we have time?”


St. Patrick’s Day Joke [03.17.15]

March 17, 2015

An Irishman walks out of a bar.

Just kidding.


Quotes: Work it [03.11.15]

March 11, 2015

Writing this here at work, these seem appropriate.

  • I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by. ― Douglas Adams
  • Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well. – Mark Twain
  • Have you ever noticed how ‘What the hell’ is always the right decision to make? ― Terry Johnson

Increase your Vocabulary [03.06.15]

March 6, 2015

sweater

Sweater (noun). What you put on when your mother is cold.

slip

Freudian Slip (noun). When you say one thing but mean your mother.


A Short Story [02.18.15]

February 18, 2015

The Legend of Alexandra and Rose

The Legend of Alexandra and Rose


Friday Five [01.16.15]

January 16, 2015

You can’t go wrong with five Dorothy Parker gems.

  • “What fresh hell is this?” (Said when her phone would ring.)
  • “You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.”
  • “If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.”
  • “There’s a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words.”
  • “If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be at all surprised.”

A new book, Dorothy Parker Drank Here, to be released February 24th. It promises to be a good read. And look for my name in the acknowledgements. True story.