Random Quotes I Heard Somewhere [04.20.15]

April 20, 2015
  • “Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.” – Sam who-the-hell-is Brown
  • “You don’t find the donkey show. The donkey show finds you.”  – Anonymous, and rightly so
  • “Sometimes you’re a goose. Sometimes you’re a chicken.” – A former leader of mine

A doctor, a lawyer and a priest… [03.23.15]

March 23, 2015

A doctor, a lawyer and a priest are on a sinking ship.


The doctor says, “Save the women and children!”


The lawyer says, “Screw the women and children.”


The priest says, “Think we have time?”

St. Patrick’s Day Joke [03.17.15]

March 17, 2015

An Irishman walks out of a bar.

Just kidding.

Quotes: Work it [03.11.15]

March 11, 2015

Writing this here at work, these seem appropriate.

  • I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by. ― Douglas Adams
  • Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well. – Mark Twain
  • Have you ever noticed how ‘What the hell’ is always the right decision to make? ― Terry Johnson

Increase your Vocabulary [03.06.15]

March 6, 2015


Sweater (noun). What you put on when your mother is cold.


Freudian Slip (noun). When you say one thing but mean your mother.

A Short Story [02.18.15]

February 18, 2015

The Legend of Alexandra and Rose

The Legend of Alexandra and Rose

Friday Five [01.16.15]

January 16, 2015

You can’t go wrong with five Dorothy Parker gems.

  • “What fresh hell is this?” (Said when her phone would ring.)
  • “You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.”
  • “If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.”
  • “There’s a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words.”
  • “If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn’t be at all surprised.”

A new book, Dorothy Parker Drank Here, to be released February 24th. It promises to be a good read. And look for my name in the acknowledgements. True story.